I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
