I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
