she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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