Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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