Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
