im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His hands were made for my vagina.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
