I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
