I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
