I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
