i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
