I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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