I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
