still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
