i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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