i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
