road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
