I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
