The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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