All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm always down for nudity.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
