Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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