Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
