Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
