6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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