It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
