No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
birth control should be required to get into college
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
