Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
