elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
