guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
