He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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