i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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