At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
