i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
