When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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