im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm too high and old for this...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
