She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
