Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
