He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
