I wanna bring you to show and tell
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
