im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
