Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
