I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
