actually, I'm a sock model
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
