Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
