you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
