you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
