Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
