How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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