I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
