He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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