he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
