I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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