I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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