i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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