I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you had me at cake vodka
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
